How Parents Become a Dream Team—the Couples and family therapist Achim Schad gave a talk at the Steinmühle Forum
How can relationships in partnerships, families, and schools be successful in the long term? The answer to this question—which is so important for our personal well-being and academic success—was the focus of an interesting and humorous lecture by renowned couples and family therapist Achim Schad at Steinmühle High School.
“To break the negative cycle, the ratio of positive relationship messages to negative relationship messages must be 5 to 1.”
Achim Schad concluded his insightful and entertaining lecture at the Steinmühle with this formula for sustainable relationships. About 200 parents and colleagues attended the educational evening at the Forum and were thoroughly impressed by the engaging presentation given by the couples and family therapist from Wuppertal.
Going to a lecture titled “How Can Parents Become a Dream Team in Raising Their Children?” isn’t exactly easy, since it might imply that one’s own parenting isn’t exactly going smoothly. “Thank goodness there are still plenty of friends and neighbors from whom you can pick up a tip or two,” Achim Schad remarked with a wink.
Within just a few minutes, it became clear just how much experience the speaker brought to the table from his 35 years as a therapist and counselor. Using numerous examples from his work with families and couples—and always without a preachy tone—he presented team rules that can help a group become or remain a team. Ultimately, he said, it isn’t important for parents to raise their children the same way or always agree. What matters is that one parent’s instructions are accepted by the other and not corrected. Schad gave examples of “good and bad alliances.” The child and one parent should never side against the other parent. “That always goes wrong,” Achim Schad asserted. “However, if your child thinks your clear, shared stance on limiting video game time is silly, you can take that as a compliment for your good parenting.” Given the inherent differences between men and women, it’s not always easy to find a clear middle ground. “If you can’t agree at all, then define who’s in charge. On even-numbered days of the month, one parent decides; on odd-numbered days, the other,” Schad recommended. The speaker encouraged the parents in attendance with examples from his own parenting experience, in which things didn’t always go smoothly either.
In closing, Achim Schad expanded on the concept of the “dream team”: “The school and the teachers are part of it, too.” He said it’s a no-go when parents and children team up against a teacher. Schad couldn’t recall a single instance in his more than thirty years of experience where this kind of alliance had led to success. “A respectful approach and harmonious cooperation among parents, students, and teachers are prerequisites for a positive learning environment and academic success,” emphasized Achim Schad, who described Steinmühle as a “model school” in this regard. And with that, he encouraged Steinmühle to continue placing special emphasis on good relationships between students, parents, and teachers in its educational work.
